That Friendship Thing

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately; I want to, at some point break down into groups the friends I have on Facebook, where and how I met them and what era of life I was in - it will take some work and I have to be in nerd mode to do it.

The essay I wrote to get into college was abut friendship... the topic was What Are Your Values? I didn't have any values at the time, but I did have a few friends - or people I referred to as friends, simply because I knew them, maybe from high school. Neighbors? As it turns out the close ones are more like brothers, the other ones are just kids from the 'hood.

Want to be friends??

The only thing that's changed since I wrote that essay, is that I have a better idea of what friendship entails, both from my perspective of being a friend, and from my other perspective of what I expect from a friend. Friendship, to me is not unconditional. I have standards and sometimes I have double-standards. Friendship is not a monolithic circumstance with me. I can deal with some friends' idiosyncrasies... quirks, that I won't accept from other, non-friends. To simplify, I won't put up with too many people who have the same quirks in my orbit. Conversely, I will happily welcome many more with qualities I enjoy, admire and want to emulate.

I blame a lot of my own quirks on being Pisces, an Introvert and a Smart Azz - and I am also a bit of an intellectual snob although i am not formally educated. This might drive a few of my friends crazy and keep me from being friends of others. (I acknowledge these quirks and I am working on them.)

But enough about me.

There's an abstract vibe, for lack of a better word, that draws me to friends. Most of the time I don't go looking for them. I don't think I've ever asked someone if they wanted to be friends. It's almost like, If you have to ask... I much prefer organic friendships. Single chance meetings almost never work out unless there's some kind of instant rhythm. It's a rhythm that pulls us together - It's a zone where no holds are barred and there are no wrong questions and no wrong answers. But most of the times it comes from repeated encounters. I have to feel comfortable that the other person (particularly with women, these days) feels comfortable enough to hang out. We take chances with every "friend" we accept and one of my credos is not to be the kind of person who ruins someone's faith in people... especially men... especially me.

Brothers from the Neighborhood, March '14

I hate rules, so I don't call my parameters for friendships "rules." And as mentioned before I take friends' traits on a case by case basis. (And I don't mean to suggest I'm judging. I can't find the words to express the feelings.) Which is what it's really about; the feelings, the soul, the spirit, the signs. Sometimes I feel some kind of strange kinship to a person... and they turn out to be Pisces (too). This has happened too many times to be coincidence. Sometimes the vibe is so strong - and this is with women particularly - I have to take a leap of faith to make their acquaintance. With women there's the added challenge to try and figure out if it's admiration, friendship, lust or possibly love. Read the wrong sign or deliver the wrong message and there are going to be hurt feelings.

Anyway. I can feel myself holding back on what I want to express; partly because I'm not sure of the words and partly because I don't want to reveal too much of myself. Maybe it takes more body language to express this; maybe I need examples. Maybe I'll update this at a later date.

I should have a cup of tea, and wash my dishes.