Tough Girls/Tough Women

For some reason I'm thinking about women who have told me they were tough. The ones I have in mind are also short, around 5 feet tall. They've never told me their definition of tough, but one characteristic they have in common is, in their words, cursing like a sailor. I didn't have the heart, back then, to break it to them that "cursing doesn't make you tough."

Toughness is one of those amorphous traits that is hard to pin down because it's in the eye of the beholder. For instance, the women in mind equated aggressive language with toughness. I wondered where they got that idea, although I thought it prudent not to question it. Probably television; and further down the stream the men in and around their lives who they considered tough, probably learned how to act tough from television.

America's idea of tough, is a gun and a smoke.. Linda Hamilton, Terminator II

(But, then how was toughness defined and learned before mass media? Perhaps that discussion will come later.)

As a lover and admirer of people in general, and women in particular, I've noticed in many cases that those who self-identify as tough aren't very tough when it comes to the issues in their lives that they should be tough about. They might feel that dropping "f-bombs" here and there will cover up the weaknesses of their addiction to a substance or their codependent relationship(s), or their recurring illnesses. They might consider themselves tough if they can consume more hard liquor than the town drunk. These are actually (by which I mean usually) ways of avoiding the issues they are not tough enough to deal with.

Etymologically speaking, most of the words we use to describe people were first used to describe other objects. Tough is no exception; from Old English, strong and firm in texture, tenacious, sticky. As we can see, there's nothing about talking in its origin.

A tough person, is therefore strong; we can say strong it attitude, in convictions. A strong person is not dependent on substances and/or people that make them weak. A tenacious person never gives up, never quits until the goal is met or a need fulfilled.

What brought this blog into being was the idea that tough girls might display their perception of toughness with a sharp tongue and a cigarette carelessly hanging on the lips. They may feign disdain for symbols of status they are too weak to attain. They may endure an abusive relationship occasionally getting into fights with their partners to prove to themselves that they are really tough.

Whereas tough women, have or develop the strength and if necessary the cleverness and wisdom to defeat any addiction they might have that is holding them back, or diminishing their health; they have the confidence and power to walk into an uncertain future and away from a relationship that is hurting them both physically and mentally. They don't quit just because some asshole is giving them a hard time - they know that most of the time endurance is more powerful than harassment.

Fake tough is loud, boisterous and ultimately hollow. Real toughness is stealth, it's implied, and it doesn't present itself until it's necessary. It strikes with certainty and moves on with no regrets. And once it's realized and understood by those it must be directed against, it brings respect. Mad respect!