Wrong Living

I spent too much time among the public today. The more I do that the more I realize that we, as a species, are not living right. Some might say I am "waking up" but waking up only means coming around to their way of thinking. Whose way? That's the question. It's a question that I don't have answers to. Besides, I haven't even explained what I mean by not living right; and i don't know if I can do that either.

Went to the doc's today for my annual physical. A physical is not like the physical I got when I was inducted into the Navy. It was more like an interview. The resident, a young be-speckled lady with rainbow socks, asked me if I had any questions. I had some about chiropractic, but she couldn't help me. I had questions about how I could improve my diet to fix or repair something - she couldn't help me there either.

I was trying to get a feel for her as a doctor and a person. She signaled clearly by her presence that she was in the life, but I don't know if I signaled that I picked up on it. There seemed to be a distance, might have been the age difference or maybe I let my facial language and vocals slip that I didn't have much faith in the medical industry. Nonetheless she gave me the options, as if they were the blue-plate specials of the day. They usually recommend and tetanus booster - not interested. She accepted that. I got the lifestyle questions; who I lived with, sex life, smoke, drink, that sort of thing, family history.

BP was what they call high... anything over 120/80 and they want to put a patient on Statins. "Put me on drugs?" I'm thinking... nope. My BP is normal for me for reasons I understand and if I need to lower it, I'll do it without drugs.

I was offered two types of drugs, a shot and a blood screening, (test) for prostate cancer, that may or may not be accurate... which means it's not. I accepted that one - why? Because they were taking blood anyway. But after it was all done, I realized it's just another way to bill my insurance. DUH! Then they decided to order a cholesterol screening because mine has been running towards high... By whose assessment? I told the last doc I'll start worrying when it's over 225. Since I learned cholesterol is the main ingredient of many hormones, including testosterone, I'm not going to sweat it and I'm certainly not taking drugs to lower it. (Which reminds me, when I was interested in lowering it I took Red Yeast Rice and it worked. I documented it.)

Random, meaningless photo; Costa Rica, c. 2009 (mancation)

The physical part was like a guy considering buying a car. He knows a bit about cars, so he walks around it, kicks the tires, listens to the engine run, maybe looks under the hood, and kicks the tires again and turns on the windshield wipers. It may have been a combination of my doc's newness, if she was indeed new - most of whom I've seen are residents - or, to my credit, it could have been that I was clearly, from her perspective, a healthy specimen and she just went through the motions. If that is the case, I am indeed grateful. As a professional, she couldn't just blurt out, "why did you bother to come in?" Which she may have, in a more professional way; I remember telling her, "I come for the numbers."

Sitting in waiting rooms with sick and often lonely people while The View was blaring its incessant perspective to a cheering collection of drones was excruciating. I tried my best to zone out all conversations, but ended up choosing the lesser of the evils... so I tuned out The View.

I came home mentally exhausted which I attributed to the blood letting (and 12 hour fast), but it was probably do to a mild state of depression (oh, yeah that was one of the interview topics as well) from witnessing first hand the morbid state of humanity. It was just a small sampling, but it seems to align with what I've been hearing about the state of medical management (as opposed to care) in the US. (Of course it may have aligned because of my own expectations, as well.)

Group fitness sessions at Temple brought me back. I didn't even realize it was the last day of the Spring Session. I'm off until May 10th. May already!! That's five months gone and seven to go.

Anyway, returning from Temple paradise, I once again realized how poorly "we're" living. The majority of us accept it because we don't know there's anything better. Some of us suspect there's something better, but don't know how to get to it. Others find their way to something better by assimilating into the dominant culture, but are still living against nature (and don't ask me what that means yet, because I cannot explain it intelligently.)

At this point - call it a state of awakening and observing - I am not interested in doing anything about anyone else's situations. I have yet to conjure and execute my own plan for either dealing with the illusion or breaking (or dropping) out of it. Were I to emerge as a leader or guru at this point I might lead my followers into a more dire situation. Were I to find a path to a state of presumed freedom it might be a path that only I could navigate and get through. Don't the mystics tell us we all need to find our own path? Yeah, good excuse.

I don't want to seem as if I am disparaging my doctor. If there was any impression to get, it was that she was just passing through this stage of her career/education. She was reading a script, playing by the rules, as she had someone to which to answer... that 2 - 3 minute guest visit with the "preceptor" who asks if the student asked and answered everything she was supposed to answer and ask. I feel like my doc might move from medicine to something more holistic... or maybe that's just my hope.


These pix are from our Costa Rica "Mancation" of 2009. They have nothing to do with the blog... just thought I'd post them for the heck of it. I'm a rebel.