Don't Miss Me

I want to tell my friends not to miss me. It seems kind of cold and heartless, but to me it's practical.

More than likely, I have little if any idea why people like me or what I do for them in live face-to-face moments. It might be the way i make them feel; maybe a laugh or good company. I tend to talk a lot, maybe that's it. I've been told I'm entertaining, that could be it also. It's possible that there isn't a single it, but a combination of factors. What I call magic.

Maybe it is a matter of resonance; vibrations; the pleasure of being with like-minded people on the same frequency. Our organisms move towards pleasure and away from pain.

Maybe I can figure out what they might miss about me, by thinking about what I've been missing about them. Most of my friends are otherwise occupied with careers, relationships, academic goals, family - the usual suspects.  Many have left the area so the days of random gatherings are over. Families - as I know so well - restructure our priorities and we have to divide our time between the desires of family members and friends. Most of those goals and that lifestyle is behind me now, so I'm vibrating at a different frequency. I have more free time, more freedom and fewer people to share it with.

The Fram

Hmmm. Could be.

The point is, situations and opportunities and time are aligning to create a chance for me to get out of the city I've called home all my life. An uncomfortable home, but home nonetheless. People have told me they'd miss me and I don't know how to respond. "Thank you for saying that'? "I'll miss you too"? "I've been missing what we've been for the last several years"? Do I say that? I want to say, "Don't miss me. Everything I've been for the better part of the last decade will still be there... on the net. In social media. In status updates, selfies, and video clips." 

I'm not pointing fingers, if I were the proverbial three would be pointing at me. I'm a self-styled anti-social loner yet at the same time cherish my friends and respect their priorities. I don't throw parties or DJ events anymore and I don't invite people over to my constantly-in-renovation-mode house for cocktails or movie nights (no furniture, no TV, no video games). If I really wanted to make new friends, pursue new relationships or anything else social, it wouldn't be difficult. I'm pretty good at it, too good... and I promised myself I wouldn't get wrapped up in anything that would keep me here. That's the responsibility I take for my distance and insularity.

The Funky Luau.. a Framly Tradition

Bottom line - I'm leaving. Best friends are standing up. I know who you are and if you ever read this, my appreciation has hopefully been demonstrated in real time, in real life.

If we haven't been hanging out, interacting, vibing, loving.. what is there to miss?

What I needed to do in Philadelphia has been done. What I need to do next, cannot be done here (or so I believe).

Next chapter, you're invited to and you will not be forgotten.
 

The Funky Fram'ly Luau

The Funky Luau - June 18, 2016... Fram for 20 years now.

I've been trying to capture the concept of the "Fram" and explain it by way of a blog entry, but haven't been very successful. I liken this group, the core of which is captured above, as a band, just as bands are likened to families. The "Fram" is obviously a melding of friends & family and just to pint out this tag came before the word was commercialized and used to sell phone service.

When we were a "band" the "music" we created was a magazine called Audiogliphix [AG], this is where out talents blended and that publication extended to throwing parties, meeting for happy hours, supporting each others adventures (and ventures). The friendships lasted longer than the magazine.

Still, I'm at a loss to completely explain how this evolved... maybe it's not to be at this moment.

Anyway, the Funky Luau is everything it's always been; a gathering of friends. Tet & Carol host it at their home. Tet's always been the nucleus; the guy who reaches out and brings new friends into the fold and as he's been studying architecture for the past six years he's begun to bring his fellow students, as well as co-workers into the circle, which makes for a more dynamic mix of personalities. He's reached back into his Philly past and brought many of his home boys into the mix as well, which adds a different depth to the gathering.

Depth and Diversity/Depth of Diversity at the Funky Luau

Our Funky Hosts, Carol & Tet - Much Gratitude

Wake Up Call of the Twenty-First Century

If I had to place a date on my awakening it would be March 13th, 1996. It happened with a emotional shock, hence the precision of the date. Since that time, with the help of what I call angels - indeed messengers, I have completely changed my lifestyle, my think-style, my attitude, my perception of reality and a host of other elements too numerous to list.

Needless to say it's been a long and often difficult journey. An infinite journey, as I feel once we begin we never stop. Or maybe I should just speak for myself.

A la Casa - 2006, just back from Paris

"Wake up!"

Is the call of the (still rather new) century. Everyone seems to be trying to wake us up! However, to my observation the so-called wake-up call has become little more than a marketing slogan. A quasi-metaphysical way to convince us to a certain way of thinking and thus behaving. For the most part, these clarions seem to be educational - the only reason I state it like this is because of my own experience(s) - however I can imagine and maybe detected some commercial uses of the term for commercial and political objectives.

During the course of this twenty year journey I have learned - rather decided a few things which has led me to adopt several beliefs that assist in my behavior and subsequent survival in this world.

But first a disclaimer; This diatribe should not be construed as a declaration of awakenedness or any kind of new age consciousness as compared to the reader or any-body else. The level of consciousness/awareness I enjoy today is compared to that which I did not possess towards the beginning of the journey. Hopefully, and most probably, the period in which I am composing this will prove to be relatively unenlightened compared to five-plus years in the future. A key lesson learned is that everyone has their own level of consciousness and that their beliefs impact their perception of the world and those perceptions impact their behavior.

I am fond of reminding those who stamp the word "truth" on that with which they agree, that there is no truth; at best there are theories, ideas and agendas that are supported by evidence revealed and presented. We have witnessed in the last hundred years the theoretical changes in the sciences from archeology, to quantum physics, to astronomy and especially history.

Humanity, in my opinion has an intolerable arrogance about its importance on earth and its place in the universe. Collectively we have no respect for our environment, our fellow species or each other. We can debate the reasons for this although I am confident that we'll find no easy or agreed upon answers, or solutions, although some theories might be fun to knock about.

One of the most detrimental beliefs of humanity, especially in the west, is that of origin. Most humans cannot conceive of forever and relentlessly search for the beginnings of this or that; not only of our species itself, but for the birth of the universe... literally the beginning of everything. I too, having been raised in a Judeo-Christian atmosphere, am guilty of this concept. One of the goals on this journey is to release myself from that concept and accept everything as everything and be willing to embrace infinity without question.

Well, time for this little number is running out. I feel as if I could go on for another two or three hundred words, however I have to discipline myself. Got errands to run. I can imagine revisiting this piece sometime in the future; yet I can also imagine it becoming obsolete in a week. Nonetheless I am glad I took the time to jot it down. Someday you may read this and have an opinion. One day perhaps we will discuss this.

One day you might just "Wake Up" - to your own concept of reality.

Wrong Living

I spent too much time among the public today. The more I do that the more I realize that we, as a species, are not living right. Some might say I am "waking up" but waking up only means coming around to their way of thinking. Whose way? That's the question. It's a question that I don't have answers to. Besides, I haven't even explained what I mean by not living right; and i don't know if I can do that either.

Went to the doc's today for my annual physical. A physical is not like the physical I got when I was inducted into the Navy. It was more like an interview. The resident, a young be-speckled lady with rainbow socks, asked me if I had any questions. I had some about chiropractic, but she couldn't help me. I had questions about how I could improve my diet to fix or repair something - she couldn't help me there either.

I was trying to get a feel for her as a doctor and a person. She signaled clearly by her presence that she was in the life, but I don't know if I signaled that I picked up on it. There seemed to be a distance, might have been the age difference or maybe I let my facial language and vocals slip that I didn't have much faith in the medical industry. Nonetheless she gave me the options, as if they were the blue-plate specials of the day. They usually recommend and tetanus booster - not interested. She accepted that. I got the lifestyle questions; who I lived with, sex life, smoke, drink, that sort of thing, family history.

BP was what they call high... anything over 120/80 and they want to put a patient on Statins. "Put me on drugs?" I'm thinking... nope. My BP is normal for me for reasons I understand and if I need to lower it, I'll do it without drugs.

I was offered two types of drugs, a shot and a blood screening, (test) for prostate cancer, that may or may not be accurate... which means it's not. I accepted that one - why? Because they were taking blood anyway. But after it was all done, I realized it's just another way to bill my insurance. DUH! Then they decided to order a cholesterol screening because mine has been running towards high... By whose assessment? I told the last doc I'll start worrying when it's over 225. Since I learned cholesterol is the main ingredient of many hormones, including testosterone, I'm not going to sweat it and I'm certainly not taking drugs to lower it. (Which reminds me, when I was interested in lowering it I took Red Yeast Rice and it worked. I documented it.)

Random, meaningless photo; Costa Rica, c. 2009 (mancation)

The physical part was like a guy considering buying a car. He knows a bit about cars, so he walks around it, kicks the tires, listens to the engine run, maybe looks under the hood, and kicks the tires again and turns on the windshield wipers. It may have been a combination of my doc's newness, if she was indeed new - most of whom I've seen are residents - or, to my credit, it could have been that I was clearly, from her perspective, a healthy specimen and she just went through the motions. If that is the case, I am indeed grateful. As a professional, she couldn't just blurt out, "why did you bother to come in?" Which she may have, in a more professional way; I remember telling her, "I come for the numbers."

Sitting in waiting rooms with sick and often lonely people while The View was blaring its incessant perspective to a cheering collection of drones was excruciating. I tried my best to zone out all conversations, but ended up choosing the lesser of the evils... so I tuned out The View.

I came home mentally exhausted which I attributed to the blood letting (and 12 hour fast), but it was probably do to a mild state of depression (oh, yeah that was one of the interview topics as well) from witnessing first hand the morbid state of humanity. It was just a small sampling, but it seems to align with what I've been hearing about the state of medical management (as opposed to care) in the US. (Of course it may have aligned because of my own expectations, as well.)

Group fitness sessions at Temple brought me back. I didn't even realize it was the last day of the Spring Session. I'm off until May 10th. May already!! That's five months gone and seven to go.

Anyway, returning from Temple paradise, I once again realized how poorly "we're" living. The majority of us accept it because we don't know there's anything better. Some of us suspect there's something better, but don't know how to get to it. Others find their way to something better by assimilating into the dominant culture, but are still living against nature (and don't ask me what that means yet, because I cannot explain it intelligently.)

At this point - call it a state of awakening and observing - I am not interested in doing anything about anyone else's situations. I have yet to conjure and execute my own plan for either dealing with the illusion or breaking (or dropping) out of it. Were I to emerge as a leader or guru at this point I might lead my followers into a more dire situation. Were I to find a path to a state of presumed freedom it might be a path that only I could navigate and get through. Don't the mystics tell us we all need to find our own path? Yeah, good excuse.

I don't want to seem as if I am disparaging my doctor. If there was any impression to get, it was that she was just passing through this stage of her career/education. She was reading a script, playing by the rules, as she had someone to which to answer... that 2 - 3 minute guest visit with the "preceptor" who asks if the student asked and answered everything she was supposed to answer and ask. I feel like my doc might move from medicine to something more holistic... or maybe that's just my hope.


These pix are from our Costa Rica "Mancation" of 2009. They have nothing to do with the blog... just thought I'd post them for the heck of it. I'm a rebel. 

Going Ascetic

Since my last birthday, I seem to have become lighter mentally; I haven't thought much about my age. The angst I feel like I've had all my life about where I was supposed to be by a certain age; about accomplishments, about status is no longer there. I feel like I am in a bubble floating... or maybe just floating; as if I have no cares.

I've been on the path of minimalism since before the turn of the century. 1996, that year the relationship ended. It was a year of clarity. A year when freedom and ego clashed. I started getting rid of stuff... certain attitudes and a whole lot of fat too. I began to realize that I had to get my mental and physical together to become who I wanted to be. The twist was I didn't know, consciously, who that person was.

I still don't know, but I'm closer. Twenty years closer.

So the point, the idea of this entry, is that I am moving towards the mind/life of an ascetic, but not as radical. I'm not sitting in the forest in a loin cloth and gazing at the stars and begging for food; I haven't given up too many of the creature comforts of modern day humanity, but I have been somewhat careless about currency and those structures in society designed to move same from the bottom to the top, namely that annual ritual when one must declare the amount of digits exchanged for one's labor. Perhaps I can have some digits transferred into a place where I can manifest them into currency and exchange said currency into tangible goods, or virtual services.

What I am doing, when I'm not writing these blogs, is imagining how I can lure digits into my virtual realm without expending too much energy. Under the heat of burning candles in my heatless living space this chilly April evening, I imagine just how little materially I can live off of, exchanging more currency for mobility and fuel than for clothing, shelter, trinkets and entertainment. (The irony is that the less currency I exchange for entertainment, the more entertainment I discover from life itself.)

It's a rather utopian mindset - and utopia is not sustainable, so I have to modify my imaginations somewhat... and that's why I sit around listening to Astro-theological, and occult lectures on consciousness - besides I like the history and etymology. Perhaps sharing such knowledge myself will bring me enough food for the next leg of the journey.

Body Evals #1

One of my goals was to maintain my body weight below 180 lbs through the winter. It helped that Philadelphia experienced a warm to mild winter and that I spent 3 weeks, which is about a quarter of the season in hot climates, (see earlier entries). My other goal began as a question; one of those, I wonder ifs... the if, was whether I could achieve a 3:1 ratio of of lean muscle mass to body fat. I have a scale that kinda-sorta measures that, but it's not precise and I'm not completely honest with the input. Nonetheless, using what I use the way I use it, I hit 3:1 and indeed surpassed it very slightly a few days towards the end of March.

In the videos I uploaded on my FaceBook page I attributed the fat burn to long steady-state walks. It's a long story as to how I figured this out, finally believed it and subsequently added it into my routine. Today in fact, I opted for walking over lifting because my numbers had gotten into the red zone. (Again, another story.)

Asian smackdown tour 2002

I was also curious to know what 3:1 looked like - it was time to take some evaluation shots, so I thought I'd post them up and critique and compare... if I can.

To our right, a blast from the past, 2002 or there abouts and I think this was taken with film and then later scanned in and digitized. At this point I was already six years into my Fitness Renaissance. I'd gotten down below 200 lbs.

3-30-2016Just under 180 lbs, 3:1 Ratio, <15% body fat

                     To the left, an updated eval shot. The stats are in the caption. The lighting is different so it makes it a little difficult to see much of a difference. Even if there's no visible difference I'm okay with that too. Living 14 years and not changing (for the worse) is fine with me. That belly is still a bother though.

Okay, so let's get right onto some better shots. First, check out the back. I am not simply trying to get ripped back here, but strong as well. I really want to strengthen what I call the upper-upper so I can train like the other kids... you know, pull ups and planges, handstands and such.

The back is actually ripped!! And one thing that

looked odd to me, in this pose anyway, I actually

look, skinny... and back dimples seem to be trying

to make an appearance. 

If only the front was as ripped. Stubborn belly

fat is why I'm walking when I'd rather be lifting.

But, we got to do what we must for the results we

want. My right side is still.. and will probably always

by much more jacked than the left - I am very

obviously right-dominant. Otherwise I cannot

say that I am displeased by these results. 

I think the take home points from this evaluation shoot... is that I am still making improvements, if not muscular gains.. "at this age" and I'm not letting the senescence boogieman scare or worry me into taking it easy or slowing down. Fortunately there's no one in my life advising me to do this. 

One of the benefits of my antisocial loner lifestyle - the worries and statistics of outside voices don't reach my psyche. 

And that, my friends, is the first body evaluation post of the year. I may do a few more. I want to keep my weight at 170 - 175, keep body fat at 12 - 13%, muscle up to 82 - 85 lbs of muscle (and I may be getting greedy here) and whatever that ratio will be, (close to 4:1) I'll be good there. It's a big challenge and I wonder the same as I did when i was going for 3:1... is it possible and what will it look like on me. 

Cheers.

Epochs of Life

This is part of an ongoing study of humanity and the different phases of life that we all go through. My theory is that we all going through such changes and ways of viewing the world, based on how many years we've lived. Further, this theory makes use of the notion, or maybe even myth, that we become completely new people, physiologically, ever seven years.

This theory is more anecdotal that scientific. I don't expect to ever prove it, nor to I expect it to ever be confirmed. It's just something I've been thinking about and thought I'd jot down a few notes. These notes, by the way, were originally jotted down in one of my notebook journals in September of 2011. I revise them every so often... here are basics.

0 to 7 is the age of learning. I've read that for the first seven years of a child's life their brain is in a theta rhythm, through which they basically absorb what they see and hear. These are the years of basic learning. (Which, includes the time in the womb.)

Ruby, age 1 - 2

8 to 14 is self awareness, which includes still higher learning. Often times these are the years of indoctrination. Unless idealism, creativity and magic is encouraged, it is in these years that the public, the state's system of rules and expectations cripple, if not destroy creativity.

15 to 21 - optimism and rebellion. Depending on what the example adults encourage the young adult will either look forward to a bright future, or they will rebel. Most people become sexually active during these years.

22 - 28 - and then, Reality sets in. Reality can be a shock if the child is not prepared. Perhaps the optimist discovers (or feels) s/he's been lied to; they played by the rules, so to speak and the rewards didn't come. Perhaps the rebel realizes that rebellion wasn't right for them and they change directions in life. The opposites might be true as well. Reality doesn't have to be ugly.

29 - 35 - Settling, conforming.. whether it's due to peer pressure, parent pressure or a matter of nature, most people in this group are in some kind of a relationship. They have kids, or pets, they are fairly well established in their lifestyles/jobs.

36 - 42 - The age of cynicism. This is my second favorite age. For some reason a lot of people I've talked to revisit their original dreams in this epoch often prompting a so-called midlife crisis, which I actually think is more of a condition for past generations. Often, the average person is, or feels they are in and dead end job/relationship or situation. Everything seems to suck during this age.

Post-Cynicism..40-something in Paris

43 - 49 - Originally I called this Reflection, but now i think this comes later. I've updated it to post-cynicism after 7 years of everything sucking, we stop caring whether it sucks or not. We've attained some wisdom in our experiences. We may have an idea that our plans aren't going to pan out the way we plan, but what the hell, we'll go for it anyway, we've got a back up. 

50 - 56 - It may not have been so in the past, but certainly in this era, and perhaps for the next twenty years, this epoch can be called, Renaissance. With somewhat of a heath and wellness revolution having grown since the 1980s, crossing the half century mark, with our minds and bodies in tact, we can move from a career we may or may not have enjoyed, to something that thoroughly fulfills us. If we've gotten a later start in life, this could still be a time of rebirth and reinvention, especially if we don't have an chronic ailments. If we do, renaissance can mean trying to get some kind of life back. Presuming you've made it this far, that is.

57 - 63 - Sharing Wisdom... the guru. In this era, this age group are grand (or great grand) parents by now and whether they realize it or not, they become teachers; through their memories, the stories they tell about growing up and how the world has changed, they teach those younger than themselves. There seems to be some kind of moral in every story.

64 - 70 - Perspective - this group has the perspective of the years they've lived. They generally have positive attitudes although they can feign cynicism. They've done something right to live this long.

71 - 77 - Indestructible - Those who are still standing, swimming, and even walking the treadmills or riding bikes at this age, cannot be fucked with. They've seen it all, (and I can only base this on the guys at the Y). The guru factor remains and they might tell you the same stories over and over again.

Jacinto Bonilla age 73

78 - 84 - Care takers. Whether in their home or a nursing home (or retirement home), those who are sharp at this age take on the task of caring for grands/great-grands, or friends who aren't doing as well, or, as I've read, pre-schoolers.

85 - 91 - Shadow... because I have no first hand experience with this age group. (Well, kind of). My guess is that they are wondering how much longer they will live. I will have to do more research on this. I'm sure it will come.

92  - 98 - Curios... It may be crass to describe this group as such, but if you're living into your nineties, people want to know your secret. Conversely you might be in a home waiting to die. But what if, as the health/wellness movement extends life into the 120s, what will the 90s be like for people who can still do everyday tasks??

99 - 105 - Comfortably numb. Someone said, and I've adopted this saying, "The first hundred years are the toughest." Could we get some kind of second wind when we cross this border?

Ida Keeling, age 99

105 - 111 - History. Assuming your memory is still sharp and all the selfies you ever took on your cell phone are still accessible, you become living history. Every birthday you will be assured a place in the local newspaper or a shout-out from the Centenarian Club. 

112 - 118 - Elite... you become the aged elite, a curiosity, history, all of the above.

Every age above my own, I can only speculate about. Those ages below mine, I take from my own memories and from the children I've raised and watch grow up and the young adults I've worked with in the fitness industry. I reiterate, this is just a theory, not even scientific, and probably more fantasy than anything serious.

Live long and prosper.

My Secret Desire(s)

The universe - and social media - are telling me two things; 1. 2016 is a year of transition and I am transforming, and 2. that I'm looking for love, secretly perhaps, regardless of the fact that I finally had the heart to add Find the love of my life to my top five list of things to do.

The latest nudge... Cyber space invited me to "Discover Which Emotion Your Subconscious Is Trying To Hide," by way of a test in which I choose several tarot cards based on which one catches my eye. I'm encouraged not to think too much about it; tough task for me, but I went for it.

That's about right, looks just like me too.

Here are the results... (I cannot resist these tests.)

Tarot: Your subconscious is hiding a deep and passionate love. It may be a romantic love or a passion in life, either way you are deeply in love with someone or something. The Tarot reveals a true romance, love affair, or strong passion ruling your subconscious and directing your actions from behind the scenes. You're sensitive and may even be a bit vulnerable, but you have a great deal of kindness and compassion for those around you. If you're currently in a relationship, this is one of the, if not THE, great love of your life. Listen to your heart, and you'll never go astray!


My take - I think it's more someTHING than someOne, and I'd say life itself and discovery. But at any moment someone could come into my life and answer all my questions.

I'm just down with the universe and getting away from here. It's worth noting that leaving Philadelphia comes ahead of Finding the love of my life.