My Mandala

So this test came my way and I decided to go for it. I'm a sucker for these; seems like I've always been.

But why? Because I don't know myself. Apparently, and I'll speak for myself here, I can no more know myself that I can bite my own teeth. This is something I learned and accepted from recordings of Alan Watts, a twentieth century philosopher and lecturer who seems to be the subject of a sort of revival these days.

The idea that I cannot know myself because I am indeed everything that there is, or an extension thereof. So, I recognize my self in relation to the rest of the world. A composite of how others perceive me. My aunts and my mother's friends would always comment on how handsome I was, but I somehow never believed it. For some reason I still don't. Possibly, the reason I look in the mirror so often, is because I'm looking for it on my face, even though I know (or don't believe) it's there.

Okay, so anyway. In this materialistic world I've found that I am not so much as I am, or was, but what I've fashioned myself to be. I have this relationship with my astrological sign, Pisces as well as my Myers-Briggs personality profile. When reading both, and it's been consistent over the decades, I recognize parts of myself in there and because it's comfortable to me, not only have I adopted them into my personality matrix, but I amplify them as well, to the point of being evangelical about it. For instance, I will associate and even become friends with most astrological signs, but when it comes to romance, I stay away from Leos (Fire); mainly due to uncomfortable histories. Romantically I shy away from extroverts as well; not simply because my personality profile (introvert) says so, but because I honestly (as honest as I can be) find them mentally draining and emotionally hard to keep up with. Platonically, however, they are very entertaining.

Indeed, now that I think of it, since I've fashioned myself into this state of being, if I ever find it to be uncomfortable or not in my best interest, I could refashion myself into something else. Keep an eye out for this, it could happen. 

So, as for the Mandala, I was staring at the 20 offerings and fixated on this one...

Transformation

Very accurate for where I am right now.

The final paragraph resonates with me... I am transitioning into a new light and also a new life. This will mean in some cases discarding anything; old ideas, maybe some obsolete values, that is holding me back, mostly stuff. Not so much people, mainly because, to my knowledge, and especially in this century, I've not allowed myself to become so attached as to allow anyone to hold me back.

I don't even know how many days I have left here. I think time will begin to  accelerate during the last 100 days. Maybe I'll start keep track then. Until that time, here's to Transformation.