My Secret Desire(s)

The universe - and social media - are telling me two things; 1. 2016 is a year of transition and I am transforming, and 2. that I'm looking for love, secretly perhaps, regardless of the fact that I finally had the heart to add Find the love of my life to my top five list of things to do.

The latest nudge... Cyber space invited me to "Discover Which Emotion Your Subconscious Is Trying To Hide," by way of a test in which I choose several tarot cards based on which one catches my eye. I'm encouraged not to think too much about it; tough task for me, but I went for it.

That's about right, looks just like me too.

Here are the results... (I cannot resist these tests.)

Tarot: Your subconscious is hiding a deep and passionate love. It may be a romantic love or a passion in life, either way you are deeply in love with someone or something. The Tarot reveals a true romance, love affair, or strong passion ruling your subconscious and directing your actions from behind the scenes. You're sensitive and may even be a bit vulnerable, but you have a great deal of kindness and compassion for those around you. If you're currently in a relationship, this is one of the, if not THE, great love of your life. Listen to your heart, and you'll never go astray!


My take - I think it's more someTHING than someOne, and I'd say life itself and discovery. But at any moment someone could come into my life and answer all my questions.

I'm just down with the universe and getting away from here. It's worth noting that leaving Philadelphia comes ahead of Finding the love of my life.

Pisces Sun - Virgo Moon

I was born under a Full Moon in Virgo. I never really got into astrology, but when i heard about it I started reading my "charts" or at least about my characteristics. A lot of it seemed accurate and during the course of life i either became more Pisces, or Pisces became more me, in that I may have fashioned my personality to fit that which was described in astrology charts.

As i wrote this, it seems doubtful. On the one fish, I'm so contrary that I'd probably resist going along with the flow, on the other fish, I'm not sure we can stray very far from where our personality is supposed to be. In addition to the sun and the planets, I am a result of my surroundings and experiences. The times in which I've lived and the methods I've chosen to deal with the information I absorb from the world.

The last paragraph was very enlightening.I have highlighted some sentences that resonated with me.

Flashback image from April 2008... City Hall, Philadelphia

by Grant Lewi 

This comes from http://horoscopespot.net/pisces-sun-virgo-moon/

You are able to put your intuitions over and to bring them to bear logically on your life. You are a good judge of people, with an absolute determination of the correctness of your judgments. Once you are determined about the inner worth of an individual, nothing he can do, however erratic or unreasonable or reprehensible, will shake your faith in him; you understand him from the inside out, and you are willing to let him work out his own problems in his own way. You believe that “to understand all is to forgive all,” and though you are a harsh judge when you estimate a person to be fundamentally unsound, you are equally lenient when you know that the core of his being is sound. Your tolerance is specific rather than universal, intellectual rather than emotional, for you apply to your intuitions a high degree of logic and common sense by which you can make them plausible, both to yourself and others. This integration of facts felt and facts known gives you a quiet self-assurance which rises from the working together of your mental and emotional natures; these are not generally found at variance with each other.

You don’t find yourself doing by impulse things of which you disapprove; and though you may do things of which others disapprove, you have a good reason of your own why you are all right. Your conscience is a real force, but as you are tolerant of others you are also tolerant of yourself, and though you won’t often stray from the beaten track, when you do, you do it calmly and without excitement – with a quiet conviction that you are acting according to some code or other, which you may have made up for the occasion, but which is very real and definite to you. But, by and large, you will lead a conventional, orderly, and understanding life.  

You have a keen sense of humor, laughing readily, which may not give an accurate impression of your fundamentally serious nature. You are amused by life at the same time that you are acutely conscious of its underlying tragic implications. But this consciousness does not interfere with your enjoyment.  

You have a private litany of faith, a sort of exclusive metaphysics of your own, by which you weave together apparent contradictions into the integrated philosophy by which you live and estimate life. This position is mildly good for business activity of the non-executive variety, and also for such creative work as calls for accuracy, thought, and application, rather than inspirational creativeness. Makes good humorists and joke-smiths.

Shred - 008

I've stopped short of calling this a Fitness Regimen, a challenge or one of the seemingly annual, sometimes biannual fitness routines that I initiate around this time of year; but maybe it is. I was in Florida after two weeks in Asia where i wasn't able to get my normal exercise in, although I was walking a lot and did some AM calisthenics. Anyway, in Florida I had access to the gym and since i was jet lagging, I'd get up early and workout. My daughter and I decided to simply, Shred, this would be our action word... the first word, I, at least would say in the morning to remind me to work out.

This appeared during a walk through Philly

Because we have an unofficial workout crew on social media, I decided, to keep myself accountable, that I'd update my status with a "Shred - ###" implying that this could go on for at least 100 days. Who knows, maybe it will, or maybe I will miss a day and have to start over again.

So I took some eval pix to remember... 3-22-16

During this Shred phase, I hit my 3:1 (Muscle mass:Body fat) ratio goal. Managed to hold onto it for two days and then lost it. Today, Shred - 008, I reclaimed it with 3.06:1 ratio and a reading of 14.5% body fat, just over 25 lbs., of fat which means I'll have to adjust my goal downward to.. let's say 22 lbs. (easier to tackle than 20).

This 8th day of Shredding puts me over the one week mark, which seems significant. I trained outside today, ate well and walked for a good 30 - 40 minutes. The full moon is in Libra, and the fact that it's a full moon may be what's giving me the energy. I was also off from work and fitness training today, so I had the whole day to myself.

Much needed and much appreciated.

...what 3:1 looks like... looks to me...

...like there's more Shredding to be done.

I've got about 268 or so days to do it. My aim... 170 lbs +/- 2... on the day I retire. I don't even know how to predict body fat... so I'll shoot for 11-12% ... with an open mind, that maybe I can hit 10%, but not mad if i don't.

Namaste

My Mandala

So this test came my way and I decided to go for it. I'm a sucker for these; seems like I've always been.

But why? Because I don't know myself. Apparently, and I'll speak for myself here, I can no more know myself that I can bite my own teeth. This is something I learned and accepted from recordings of Alan Watts, a twentieth century philosopher and lecturer who seems to be the subject of a sort of revival these days.

The idea that I cannot know myself because I am indeed everything that there is, or an extension thereof. So, I recognize my self in relation to the rest of the world. A composite of how others perceive me. My aunts and my mother's friends would always comment on how handsome I was, but I somehow never believed it. For some reason I still don't. Possibly, the reason I look in the mirror so often, is because I'm looking for it on my face, even though I know (or don't believe) it's there.

Okay, so anyway. In this materialistic world I've found that I am not so much as I am, or was, but what I've fashioned myself to be. I have this relationship with my astrological sign, Pisces as well as my Myers-Briggs personality profile. When reading both, and it's been consistent over the decades, I recognize parts of myself in there and because it's comfortable to me, not only have I adopted them into my personality matrix, but I amplify them as well, to the point of being evangelical about it. For instance, I will associate and even become friends with most astrological signs, but when it comes to romance, I stay away from Leos (Fire); mainly due to uncomfortable histories. Romantically I shy away from extroverts as well; not simply because my personality profile (introvert) says so, but because I honestly (as honest as I can be) find them mentally draining and emotionally hard to keep up with. Platonically, however, they are very entertaining.

Indeed, now that I think of it, since I've fashioned myself into this state of being, if I ever find it to be uncomfortable or not in my best interest, I could refashion myself into something else. Keep an eye out for this, it could happen. 

So, as for the Mandala, I was staring at the 20 offerings and fixated on this one...

Transformation

Very accurate for where I am right now.

The final paragraph resonates with me... I am transitioning into a new light and also a new life. This will mean in some cases discarding anything; old ideas, maybe some obsolete values, that is holding me back, mostly stuff. Not so much people, mainly because, to my knowledge, and especially in this century, I've not allowed myself to become so attached as to allow anyone to hold me back.

I don't even know how many days I have left here. I think time will begin to  accelerate during the last 100 days. Maybe I'll start keep track then. Until that time, here's to Transformation.

TV Down, and Out

Today I took a major step towards freedom. 

I dismantled this television and put it out for trash.

For me, it's the equivalent of dumping all the alcohol

in my cabinets. Back in 2006 when the television

stations stopped transmitting via the airwaves, I was like,

"phuqqit, I just won't watch." I'd quit being hooked on

TV when X-Files went off the air, but I still used this set

to watch DVD movies - got some great memories too, ha ha. 

It had been sitting on my porch for several years

because I don't like discarding perfectly good

appliances, obsolete or not. No one wanted it

so out it went today. Of course I made a video, which

as always, I may or may not share. 

Another step closer to being out of Philadelphia. 

It's a good day.

Path of Destiny (Part 1)

Interesting image for this piece, don't you think??

I think this will become a multi-part series. Things change. Right now as I'm pecking this out I have at least two ideas for essays and I'm just waiting to see which one will run through my fingers and onto the screen

Today I learned a "trick" with water and dreams that's hard to explain. It may come later. i call such things tricks because they have metaphysical explanation. I don't have the words or experience to relate them yet, so I don't. Learning the trick made me think again about what I want, what I want to do, who I want to be, within this vessel of course, and where I want to be.

Where is easy... I want to be everywhere, in the flesh, I mean and not at the same time. I'm learning how this can be possible. My dreams - which I don't like calling them, are presenting themselves to me as a server might present tapas for my culinary inspection.

I've been compiling a list within the afore mentioned categories and here's what came up most often.

#1 - Live (healthy, wise, & reasonably well) to the age of 210. I've even picked the day on which I will give up this vessel and transcend. In order to reach this age I will have to acquire more knowledge and skills and continuously adjust my lifestyle strategies. I will probably be able to bring a few friends and family along with me.

#2- Leave Philadelphia, which is the theme of this blog. I want to add, 'and never come back' but I plan to visit my hometown the way Planet X occasionally visits our solar system... just not as infrequently.

#3 - This is a bold one; Find the love of my life. I've heard that term bounced around for better than 20 years now and it has only been recently that I realized that this was something that has not happened for me. So, why not. Without going into my psychological failings and my personality type, suffice to say, I think I'd like to have this experience.

#4 - Live and support myself globally. I've amassed a skills-set, experience and knowledge and discipline that theoretically allow me to sustain myself anywhere in the world. One place I have in mind is Aruba. Why? Just because. There are a number of sub-goals that accompany this one (and the others as well) which would enable me to flesh out a list of 100, possibly.

#5 - None of my stated goals have anything to do with large sums of money. All I've ever wanted, is all I've ever needed. This is one of the mantras I keep in mind. Thus, what I need has most of the time (I shy away from saying always) come my way, be it in the form of Angels in the original sense of the word, messengers; who have given or led me to information that put me or led me to the path of destiny; knowledge and training I've needed to earn the money I've needed for something else; or even the money I've been able to use to help someone else out, specifically my children.

#6 - Just today I had the thought that I want an indestructible nervous system, and while I'm at it, an indestructible immune system as well. These go in the subheading of Health, under the heading of Longevity, i.e. living 210 years. I'm not certain how I'll be able to achieve these goals, but as previously stated, there is more knowledge and training coming along this path of destiny.

I'm confident I'll be revisiting this concept many more times before the end of this year, and then afterwards as well. For now, I think I'll sleep on when I just wrote, and help the universe manifest it in a way I can accept it and utilize it most wisely.

Fin

Mi Casa, Mi Lifestyle

I like coming home, and into my house. It's dark and sparse. Not sparse enough, however. Not that there's anything in the way, it's just that there's too much stuff in here that's not mine and I find it hard to get rid of. But that's another story.

I come in, the house is dark and quiet. First thing I do is turn on a light and then I turn on music. Third task, today, is writing this... my thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts during my commute and most of the time lose them by the time I sit down to jot them down.

At the moment I'm annoyed with Adele; not her personally, but her song. I don't like it, but it stays in my head. I think it's one of those songs that was arranged to do just that. All I can remember is the chorus - I won't repeat it here. Okay, that's over.

1-25-2016 Maybe? Maybe Not!

I shaved all my maleness off of my face yesterday and now I look more feminine, I think. Not that it's a bad look. Androgyny was a big trend in the 1980s, but I didn't partake. I'm not trying to make any statements now either, I'm just being honest... with myself, at least.

Now, as I look at the image, I may be wrong. Oh well. Not that I want to be female, or even want to look like a lady. I just, looking in the mirror, thought I did.



Well, I'm at a loss now. Something came to mind about wanting to be tougher, although I think I'm pretty tough - not in a tough guy looking for fights way; but a willingness to do without certain comforts so that I will not get soft or lazy. I want to be stronger as well. Comfort doesn't make us strong. I also want more mental toughness.

People might think, at this age I should start slowing down and trying to get more comforts. I'm just not there yet. I'm a late bloomer. I could go another 20 or 30 years before I start thinking about slowing down, and chilling out. That will give me time to check out different parts of the world; different people and traditions. I did almost 30 years at this gig, it would balanced to do at least that much time living as freely as is possible on this planet, or in this society... if I continue within the confines of this society; but again, a subject for another time.

Well, now it's time for the protein shake I usually consume after my Moonday exercise obligations. I think I've gotten most of my thoughts out. This is a good exercise as well. I may indulge more often.

Future, Past

This picture is twelve years old; summer of 2004. I remember this as my strongest year. But it was only strong for the upper body. I was working my chest three times a week and I'd been doing so for three or four years. I was at a point where I benched 300 lbs. just once and never since. It was a struggle. At some point in the following years I switched up from upper body to lower body... butt and legs.

And I got stronger - over all. 

I should see if i can find a more recent image to compare it to.

This one's not as sexy or set up as well... It's from September of 2015. Looks like the torso is better defined, but still too much fat on the belly. I think the arms are more defined as well. Especially the shoulders, which is something I've both ignored and injured; (two injuries, both shoulders,  since the top image was taken.)

So, let's connect this to what this blog is about.. leaving Philly. I've decided that 175 lbs isn't low enough and recently re-calibrated my weight goal to 170. That's what I weighed when i started the gig so that's what I think i should weigh when I leave.

So - more high intensity interval training and more lifting. This past week I got it in almost every day, (except Friday.) But I can't allow weekends to slip away. I also can not allow traveling to knock me off my fitness or my diet. more on that later.

One Month down - 11 To Go

I don't have much to say.

I haven't been counting the days, but it's been about 30, since i started the countdown.

This meme showed up today and it sums up exactly how i feel about Philadelphia, with the exception of "major love".

Philadelphia is like a friend that you can't really trust. s/he may treat you alright at times, but s/he treats others like shit and kisses others' asses. I don't approve, but I don't feel that I have the influence to do anything about this behavior. And, we've been friends long enough that I know changing hes behavior would be an uphill battle that I'd eventually lose.

So, my best option is simply to step off.

I'd planned to do it with little fanfare, yet not simply abandon the friends I've made here. Especially those who have evolved into authentic friends. But no big parties... but who knows.

So maybe 337 more days to go?

Dates for the 2016 world Tour will be released soon.

Archetype

Today there are more generations alive at the same time then ever in the history of the United States. There are still a few GI's (I refuse to refer to them as the "Greatest" generation) around as well as "Silents"; The worst generation ever, in my opinion are "Boomers" (an objective history will not be kind to them if I have anything to do with it) and they're beginning to enter their 70s and about cripple the Ponzi scheme that is the US economy; "Generation X" - arguably the dumbest generation ever; "Millennials" (literally and figuratively created by Boomers) and the post 9/11 cohort, that should have a cooler name that any of those I've seen hung on them so far... personally I like "Indigo", but it would take too long to explain why. They haven't even stopped being born yet.

Mom (Silent Generation) & Great Grandson, Justin (Indigo)

Every generation has its icons and archetypes and most of them come from pop culture; indeed I'd say all of them come from pop culture. Imagine the Soldier/Cowboy archetype... are you thinking John Wayne? Or the Beat(nik) rebel generation of post war America; Marlon Brando on a motorcycle, Ginsberg reading poetry, Kerouac on the road maybe? Where do I even begin with Boomers? Woodstock, hippies, Summer of Love, pet rocks, junk bonds and sell outs. From Hippies to Yuppies. Generation X.. Lost Boys anyone, Red Dawn?? They made us seem so badass in Hollywood, but we grew up to be personified by Sarah Palin, and a generation of miseducated anti'lectuals. Millennials will be forever (or so it seems) identified with the hipster, tekkie, nerd, whiner. It's too early to tell about the Indigos just yet, but you can no doubt get a hint from watching the evil Disney stable on their up-and-coming icons.

It looks like as Reality TV (and television in general) is meeting its demise, it's just in time for this generation to find its archetype(s) in memes, YouTube celebrities, cosplay and emojis.

Pretty decent rant I think, although this was not originally the point of this post. It was, as usual, about me and finding, or creating my archetype.

This photo, to me anyway, seems to encompass what I feel and what I want to share. The wandering philosopher, hippie vagabond, curious guru, seeker archetype very much appeals to me.

It's all very authentic; the grey beard represents the years of experience, the lines on my face represent the challenges I've overcome and in some cases the issues I'm still holding on to. The eyes, if you can make them out, not only see, but observe, interpret and most of all ... remember. The hair - I just like it like this - I haven't studied extensively the significance of long hair. I believe it has spiritual, as well as religious, practical and commercial (but not this mop) significance. I've heard it is an extension of the nervous system and if this is indeed the case it's like antennae that reach out beyond physical grasp. But, there I go again, getting deeper than I'd intended.

This look, which may turn out to be as temporary as any other, I actually enjoy. I see my ancestors looking back at me, especially my Dad, more and more.

My archetypal look is as much a reflection of my mind as my experience(s). It combines that romantic gypsy heart with the cynicism of the military veteran; an incessant observer with his imagination in the cosmos. An indomitable spirit and an infinite heart, that is difficult to reach or enter.  Somewhere within, there's a creative soul... and artist, still searching for its medium.

Once I get out of what seems to be some sort of prison, I will more actively be able to discover and activate what lies within; the entity beyond the archetype.